hello guys :] well, as the semester is ending and this was our last small group, I just want to say it was a pleasure meeting all of you guys. i can guarantee in saying that it wouldn't have been the same without each and every individual one of you guys. although i got to know some of you more than others, i'm sure that God has set us to meet each other even if we didn't get as close as we might have liked to. i'm truly glad that i met such mature people about faith because i know that what i struggled with back in high school was people to depend on with my walk with God. i didn't have anyone to point me back to Him and so through my brothers and sisters in Christ that i have met in my first year here at Temple RCF, i have been strengthened and growing in my relationship with God that i have never truly experienced before. i had many chances before, but i didn't have a nurturing environment to solidify that...though i guess it's all a part of God's will haha and i know for a fact that it was God's will that brought me to this ministry, this church, and to you guys and that's why i thank Him for blessing me with such a community as to grow with in friendship, in love for each other and those we are being called to reach out to, and in our love for our Father. i hope that i was a blessing to you all as you were to me because going to JFML every week was really a way to just relax and return to a small community where, though we had our dry moments, i was able to be surrounded by people who actually wanted to be there. you might have been there for just friends and a community or truly wanted to be there to learn more about the Gospel, but what matters is that you guys chose to be there which makes all the difference for me.
i think that the one thing that really defines this year was learning. learning about college and dorm life, roommates, parties, sex, my roommates having sex (sometimes me walking in on them......... -.- ) people, friends, hardships, what it means to really immerse yourself in someone else's life, to see other people for who they are rather than what you automatically make them out to be or what other people define them as, and definitely more about myself. i learned so many things like the faults that i have with every single decision that i make, every single friend that i make, every single discussion i have, every single little detail that i reveal through my words or body language, the impact of myself unto others concerning everything, my faults as i impact others, my faults as i impact God, and the little or big things that impact me good or bad. i have become aware of many things like learning more about my own sinfulness but the utter greatness and perfection of God and Christ's sacrifice for us. i have learned that i depend a lot on other people and the little things that might make or break my day. i also learned how foolish it is to be so emotionally dependent on others and to first seek God in every way so that i may see through God's eyes on how to view other people instead of the way that the world tells me to look. i learned how i relate to other people and what other people think of me and learning how opposite that is to what i feel like. i learned how much of a failure i can truly be. i learned how much i need God. i learned how to begin to trust in the Lord. my eyes were opened this year as i thought about my relationship with God and simply how i felt about Him. do i love Him? what does it mean to love Him or even anyone else? what is love?
as i began searching through these things in my heart, it just gave me a better awareness of myself and where God fit into my life and realized that i generally felt that i was a "good" Christian. no one really hated me or anything and i generally didn't really have any problems with people until i realized how shallow my relationships with people were. i felt like i didn't actually know anyone. although i spent countless hours with friends that i saw nearly everyday, i didn't know anything about what they might be going through, what makes them act certain ways, and just who they were. i simply had a flat view of everyone. there was no depth to our relationships. as i was thinking about this, it started to make me feel rather lonely because how can you trust someone that you don't actually know or that you've only known for a short amount of time? i think that this semester i have been doing what Chris Chong said at the RCF senior friday night which is investing in people and also what Daegyu said which is to love my campus. since i only had been making shallow friendships with people in high school, i didn't know what it meant to love or care for someone more than that first layer of friendship. but as i began to chip away at that and began to get closer to people on a more personal and deep level, i began to realize and see more of my own faults that had been also hiding under that layer. as a result, i began to fail more than i had ever realized before which i guess was also chipping away at a pride that i had not realized was there because of the near perfect image of some model Christian that i had set up. God humbled me in this aspect and is still humbling me as He is showing more of myself but more of His greatness as i am contrasted to His perfection. as of right now, i believe that i am growing now more than ever as i am trying to rely on Christ to change this selfish person that clings to things left and right and that lets his emotions get the best of him... when my heart is searching for something, i will strive to realize that the real thing that my heart is reaching for is God who is the only one that can fill my every needs because He is truly more than enough.
okay haha i wrote quite a lot even though i have work to do... the thing that i need you guys to do is to keep me in prayer :] and to keep me accountable as i seek to serve in this ministry. i know that i have many faults and will ultimately fail whether in a big or small way in the future so i need people who can point these in me (in love!) so that i may better serve others and glorify God to the best of my ability. i hope that we can keep on growing and striving for God more and more together or if God decides to send us off on different paths, i hope that we can still remember each other in love as brothers and sisters that we can depend on because we have the most important factor in every and any relationship which is Christ. so that no matter where we are or what situation that we're in, we can find peace knowing that not only do we have God and Christ, but we also have a community.
this is Richard O and... Jesus Fulfills My Life
i hope that we can all remember and truly know that God is good all the time no matter what situation we are thrown in and no matter what struggles we go through. knowing that i hope we can all remember and keep in mind that only Jesus can fulfill our lives. God bless you all :]
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Spiritual Warfare
So lately these days, my life has been slowly going down the drain. To be honest, I think the last time I read the bible when it wasn't a Sunday was about almost a month ago. I am so spiritually tired and discouraged by people that I feel bitter and angry these days, but I do catch myself in my sinful ways.
Before I go any further, this isn't a confession of my sins. This is a cry for encouragement, help, and the gospel to remain the one driving passion in my life.
I remember it all started on my birthday. I remember someone specifically asked me how long I was going to stay single. It completely caught me off guard. So I answered the person back, "Oh I'm not sure. I guess until God provides for me a girlfriend". See I didn't think that anybody would ask me this question, especially on my birthday. In my head, when I think of what other people think about me, I don't think, "Jimmy is the greatest example of singleness" or "Jimmy can be such a great boyfriend". I think I'm a regular person on the street that God loves. I never even thought about getting a girlfriend or wanting to be in a relationship before that day.
(To that person that asked me that question, I don't blame you and I know it came from your curiosity. And if you need to seek forgiveness, I have already forgiven you.)
After I gave my answer, I thought about that question more and other questions about my insecurities in life. I never felt so discouraged before by anyone and worst yet it was me. I was the one that was discouraging myself and it was only with questions.
Because I was getting so discouraged, I felt like I had to make an effort to put myself back on track with my enjoyment of God. But the more I faked it, the worse it got. Even worse, people at Temple were discouraging me because of what they thought was a sinful attitude or behavior arising inside of me.
(To those of you who discouraged me and justified it by saying it was constructive criticisms, I would like to say that you knew so little of what was going on in my life currently. I didn't need criticisms filled with, "Jimmy take a look at yourself. You are sinful and it hurts others". I wanted brothers and sisters who could pick me up, not people who pushed me down even further. This isn't condemnation directed at you. I am merely stating that I am not the only victim here and I do get hurt by others, directly and indirectly. So please do not think I'm invincible or else I wouldn't be putting this up.)
This attack was not only plain to see, but most of it laid in my mind. I was my own worst enemy. An insecurity that I am struggling with is my singleness. I love being single. It is so freeing and it has taught me a greater understanding of God's relation to everything, especially about relationships. I like to think of my singleness as temporary, so I would like to enjoy the best of it. However Satan keeps telling me of the loneliness that I have been avoiding and the longing that I want of completeness. Through this experience I have become more impatient and upset at God's plan. I do try my best to believe in His perfect plan for me, but I am reminded more and more of what I don't have.
Another attack that Satan has been using is if I don't have a girlfriend right now, its because I am repulsive. In other people's eyes, I am pitied and have loads of attention. But because I am pitied, my relation with people will never get past this stage. So if I am forever going to be pitied, how will any one fall in love with me? So this lead to me thinking that people actually think I'm repulsive. Either I must have an ugly personality or looks because I don't see or hear from anyone that I'm a great guy or that I am blessed with a great heart. But because I don't see or hear these things, this lead to a lower image of me and a estimation of what other people thought about me.
Another common attack that Satan uses is my family. I won't get into details of how he has been using it, but Satan has been pulling up old memories that I had forgotten. Because of these memories, I have been making amends to myself, that I am going to become the best dad, husband and son because my household that I am going to build is going to be better than the one that I was raised up in. My children will never shoulder any pain or bitterness against me. My wife is going to be showered with praise and love. And I will love my father and mother and heed their advice instead of bicker. This lead to a competitiveness in people's sins with my own. This competitiveness didn't apply only to my family but with other people as well.
After seeing all of these attacks, Satan has been discouraging me by saying, "Look at yourself. Look at all of the issues and burdens that you carry upon yourself. How can God say He loves His children if you are the one that is getting hurt the most and other people are getting blessed. You are like the kid that isn't special. There are some that are good with sports and others that are more knowledgeable and wiser. There are even others who are more cheerful and have more friends than you do. You have nothing to offer to people. In the end, you are going to hurt people if you even try at all. Just do God a favor and stand back and let others do his work if you care about God"...I guess it is self explanatory, but yeah I am discouraged from leading next year.
However last week's sermon questioned if I was in spiritual warfare. This week, I confirmed it through today's sermon that I have been under attack and been wounded without my notice. I realized it after Satan was again attacking me today during the sermon and I felt paralyzed at how crippled I have become. I was also in awe of how this attack could cripple others and lead others to never once gain come back to church.
So after the sermon, I decided to talk to P.Dwight because I wanted to seek advice of how to combat it. Seriously, God has blessed P.Dwight and I pray that He will continue to bless him and his household. He basically told me that Satan does use our minds to attack us and that it comes in the most deceptive forms. Because it works, we forget the power of the Justification and Sanctification. That our sins were put on the cross and left us pure white as snow. Because of this act, we are sanctified and made His own. We imperfect, sinful, diseased beings are praised and lifted by all of the heavenly, perfect, sinless host in God's kingdom. So all I need to do is be reminded of the Gospel and how it has rescued me from being crippled under the weight of my sins and that instead it has killed, not crippled, God's own perfect child, so I may live the perfect life that he deserved. However to prove that he is almighty and powerful, he has conquered the grave to show us how worthy he is of our worship.
If you have something to say to either me or anyone please end it with encouragement. If you want someone to be aware of the sin that is crippling them, please make sure that they can be encouraged by gaining a greater view of God's eternal kingdom. God is the one who is lifting us up with encouragements, why not imitate this practice?
My name is Jimmy Song and I am currently in the never-ending cycle of Jesus Fulfilling My Life. I'm not there yet, but I will get there.
Before I go any further, this isn't a confession of my sins. This is a cry for encouragement, help, and the gospel to remain the one driving passion in my life.
I remember it all started on my birthday. I remember someone specifically asked me how long I was going to stay single. It completely caught me off guard. So I answered the person back, "Oh I'm not sure. I guess until God provides for me a girlfriend". See I didn't think that anybody would ask me this question, especially on my birthday. In my head, when I think of what other people think about me, I don't think, "Jimmy is the greatest example of singleness" or "Jimmy can be such a great boyfriend". I think I'm a regular person on the street that God loves. I never even thought about getting a girlfriend or wanting to be in a relationship before that day.
(To that person that asked me that question, I don't blame you and I know it came from your curiosity. And if you need to seek forgiveness, I have already forgiven you.)
After I gave my answer, I thought about that question more and other questions about my insecurities in life. I never felt so discouraged before by anyone and worst yet it was me. I was the one that was discouraging myself and it was only with questions.
Because I was getting so discouraged, I felt like I had to make an effort to put myself back on track with my enjoyment of God. But the more I faked it, the worse it got. Even worse, people at Temple were discouraging me because of what they thought was a sinful attitude or behavior arising inside of me.
(To those of you who discouraged me and justified it by saying it was constructive criticisms, I would like to say that you knew so little of what was going on in my life currently. I didn't need criticisms filled with, "Jimmy take a look at yourself. You are sinful and it hurts others". I wanted brothers and sisters who could pick me up, not people who pushed me down even further. This isn't condemnation directed at you. I am merely stating that I am not the only victim here and I do get hurt by others, directly and indirectly. So please do not think I'm invincible or else I wouldn't be putting this up.)
This attack was not only plain to see, but most of it laid in my mind. I was my own worst enemy. An insecurity that I am struggling with is my singleness. I love being single. It is so freeing and it has taught me a greater understanding of God's relation to everything, especially about relationships. I like to think of my singleness as temporary, so I would like to enjoy the best of it. However Satan keeps telling me of the loneliness that I have been avoiding and the longing that I want of completeness. Through this experience I have become more impatient and upset at God's plan. I do try my best to believe in His perfect plan for me, but I am reminded more and more of what I don't have.
Another attack that Satan has been using is if I don't have a girlfriend right now, its because I am repulsive. In other people's eyes, I am pitied and have loads of attention. But because I am pitied, my relation with people will never get past this stage. So if I am forever going to be pitied, how will any one fall in love with me? So this lead to me thinking that people actually think I'm repulsive. Either I must have an ugly personality or looks because I don't see or hear from anyone that I'm a great guy or that I am blessed with a great heart. But because I don't see or hear these things, this lead to a lower image of me and a estimation of what other people thought about me.
Another common attack that Satan uses is my family. I won't get into details of how he has been using it, but Satan has been pulling up old memories that I had forgotten. Because of these memories, I have been making amends to myself, that I am going to become the best dad, husband and son because my household that I am going to build is going to be better than the one that I was raised up in. My children will never shoulder any pain or bitterness against me. My wife is going to be showered with praise and love. And I will love my father and mother and heed their advice instead of bicker. This lead to a competitiveness in people's sins with my own. This competitiveness didn't apply only to my family but with other people as well.
After seeing all of these attacks, Satan has been discouraging me by saying, "Look at yourself. Look at all of the issues and burdens that you carry upon yourself. How can God say He loves His children if you are the one that is getting hurt the most and other people are getting blessed. You are like the kid that isn't special. There are some that are good with sports and others that are more knowledgeable and wiser. There are even others who are more cheerful and have more friends than you do. You have nothing to offer to people. In the end, you are going to hurt people if you even try at all. Just do God a favor and stand back and let others do his work if you care about God"...I guess it is self explanatory, but yeah I am discouraged from leading next year.
However last week's sermon questioned if I was in spiritual warfare. This week, I confirmed it through today's sermon that I have been under attack and been wounded without my notice. I realized it after Satan was again attacking me today during the sermon and I felt paralyzed at how crippled I have become. I was also in awe of how this attack could cripple others and lead others to never once gain come back to church.
So after the sermon, I decided to talk to P.Dwight because I wanted to seek advice of how to combat it. Seriously, God has blessed P.Dwight and I pray that He will continue to bless him and his household. He basically told me that Satan does use our minds to attack us and that it comes in the most deceptive forms. Because it works, we forget the power of the Justification and Sanctification. That our sins were put on the cross and left us pure white as snow. Because of this act, we are sanctified and made His own. We imperfect, sinful, diseased beings are praised and lifted by all of the heavenly, perfect, sinless host in God's kingdom. So all I need to do is be reminded of the Gospel and how it has rescued me from being crippled under the weight of my sins and that instead it has killed, not crippled, God's own perfect child, so I may live the perfect life that he deserved. However to prove that he is almighty and powerful, he has conquered the grave to show us how worthy he is of our worship.
If you have something to say to either me or anyone please end it with encouragement. If you want someone to be aware of the sin that is crippling them, please make sure that they can be encouraged by gaining a greater view of God's eternal kingdom. God is the one who is lifting us up with encouragements, why not imitate this practice?
My name is Jimmy Song and I am currently in the never-ending cycle of Jesus Fulfilling My Life. I'm not there yet, but I will get there.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
thank you God...
alright so i had a true JFML moment just now... as i was stressing out about the missions to guatemala situation, my sister called me and i explained how i needed a passport in order to go on to missions, but the passport costs over 100 dollars and so i was worried about how she was going to react since i have to get it as soon as possible. but instead of saying anything against it, she just asked about the details of it and said that we can go and get it tomorrow! i had been praying about it, but this was just a moment when i want to get up and praising God because i have no idea if my sister is even a Christian. i would've said that she was the last person i could go for for help on this particular situation because she has been really helping my family out financially so i thought she would be against it. if in this moment she had said that she wouldn't help me with the passport, i would have said that God had closed the door on missions for me and i wouldn't have gone. right now, i'm almost tearing up at the sac writing this because it feels like this is kind of like God saying that He hasn't forgotten me or my family. it's like He's saying for me to keep hope that He is working even when i feel like things are impossible. it gives me hope that maybe it isn't too late for my dad... like it isn't too late for my sisters... that maybe one day we'll all be able to praise God together in heaven. this small moment has given me hope. it's opened my eyes again to my actions and to myself. i will serve God wholeheartedly, i will have hope that He can change the hearts of my family, and i will have hope in His plan for me.
concerning missions, i know that there are going to be hard times before, during, and after, but i am trusting in God on this one. He has opened the door for us and He won't let us down.
concerning jimmy, my brother... i'm sorry for the way i've been acting. i know i haven't given you the respect that i should treat everyone with. your actions and words just get me so frustrated and annoyed at times. however, this does not give me the right to lash out at you. this does not give me the right to hold anything against you. i don't know everything about you, your past, or where God is leading you, but i know that it's not up to me to try and change you to something that i want you to be. i just hope that we can grow together and that maybe in time you'll be able to open up to me because i'm more than eager to learn more about you my friend. please forgive me
at this moment in time, all i have are words of praise for God, He has shown me His strength and goodness for reminding me that nothing is out of His reach even if it might seem that way. He is redeeming everything
this is Richard O and Jesus fulfills my life
God is good all the time :]
Heavenly Father,
i'm sorry my doubts, i'm sorry for my lusts, and i'm sorry for my faults. Lord, i praise you for your goodness, your righteousness, and your mercy God that you would keep my family still on your sights and for reminding me of that. God, through this missions to Guatemala, be glorified through our team. through me Lord. keep my heart in check, keep my lips in check, and keep my sights in check so that they will all seek to glorify you in every single way. Lord, please continue to work in my life for i am nothing without you God. i need your help every step of the way. thank you God for caring for me, so God please work through me for i am here ready to be your hand and feet. i will run for you God, i will run for my brothers and sisters, i will run for my family. be glorified through me God
amen
concerning missions, i know that there are going to be hard times before, during, and after, but i am trusting in God on this one. He has opened the door for us and He won't let us down.
concerning jimmy, my brother... i'm sorry for the way i've been acting. i know i haven't given you the respect that i should treat everyone with. your actions and words just get me so frustrated and annoyed at times. however, this does not give me the right to lash out at you. this does not give me the right to hold anything against you. i don't know everything about you, your past, or where God is leading you, but i know that it's not up to me to try and change you to something that i want you to be. i just hope that we can grow together and that maybe in time you'll be able to open up to me because i'm more than eager to learn more about you my friend. please forgive me
at this moment in time, all i have are words of praise for God, He has shown me His strength and goodness for reminding me that nothing is out of His reach even if it might seem that way. He is redeeming everything
this is Richard O and Jesus fulfills my life
God is good all the time :]
Heavenly Father,
i'm sorry my doubts, i'm sorry for my lusts, and i'm sorry for my faults. Lord, i praise you for your goodness, your righteousness, and your mercy God that you would keep my family still on your sights and for reminding me of that. God, through this missions to Guatemala, be glorified through our team. through me Lord. keep my heart in check, keep my lips in check, and keep my sights in check so that they will all seek to glorify you in every single way. Lord, please continue to work in my life for i am nothing without you God. i need your help every step of the way. thank you God for caring for me, so God please work through me for i am here ready to be your hand and feet. i will run for you God, i will run for my brothers and sisters, i will run for my family. be glorified through me God
amen
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"blessed are the..."
1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
hello... it's been a while since i posted and so i just felt like quoting the sermon on the mount because i feel like every single one of those things relates to me in some way and there are things that i lack and want to work towards. one in particular is verse 8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." i chose this one since i not only want to be able to see God more clearly in His beauty and majesty, but also to have a clear view of what God wants me to do according to His will. i guess this also applies to verse 9 "blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" because of the coming housing situation next semester. i say this as a result of the issues that have a high possibility of occurring within my floor because i know a lot of them don't get along on some level. at the moment, i feel kind of screwed since i will mostly have to be the "peacemaker" and... it's good in a way that God has given me some capacity to work out conflicts, but at the same time there is a lot of responsibility on my part also to decrease tension instead of taking sides and elevating the intensity. i'm not saying that everything is up to me to resolve everything, but that i will be there as a part of the floor to try to understand both sides and come to an agreement. at this point in time, i don't feel that i have the capability to help in practically any aspect. although people may tell me certain things about myself, i don't feel or see that within myself... i really don't know what the next year is going to be like with leadership is going to be shifting and i'm gonna connecting and caring for underclassmen. from being the youngest within my family, i have just become a soft baby without being able to take care of myself. i've grown up lazy and uncaring in many aspects except for the things that i choose or is easy. it could possibly be because i have no clear goal of what i want to work towards and so i just feel overwhelmed, but i think it's just because i'm lazy. i mean i've always been lazy but sort of justified it by trying hard and doing well in other aspects other than school because academics is just so uninteresting to me. how can someone just sit down and study for hours -.- does not make sense to me...
anyways, i'll be heading to Guatemala for two weeks in the summer and i'm sort of scared of what sides will show from me as i am exposed to intense weather, bad living conditions, giant bugs everywhere, and close living quarters with people that i've never lived with previously. i apologize beforehand to anyone that i might hurt during that time... i don't know what's going to happen. i see many opportunities for us to grow because half the Guatemala team is from temple rcf which would be an incredible boost for us. we would be able to work together and learn how to be more efficient as a team. so many benefits to gain yet... we could end up hating each other, get too close together that it becomes an unhealthy relationship, cause bitterness within the team, hate missions, and see sides of each other that could crack images. if we don't keep ourselves and each other accountable, we could potentially fall into a pit that i know no one wants to go. i've been praying about it, but then... there are doubts and worries that always come up.
also as the new semester is starting soon... i don't know what it's going to be like. i don't know how i'm gonna handle things. i don't know how many people i might hurt. i guess these are just stupid worries, but they come to mind whenever i think about then. i just hope that i'll be able to guard my own heart and strengthen my relationship with God before anything else while maintaining everything else that's going on.
i guess these are just petty things to worry about when God has got your back so i'll try to entrust it into His mighty hands... try...
this is Richard O and Jesus fulfills my life!
prayer requests... for me to guard my heart, support for missions to Guatemala, a heart to serve, a heart to care and reach out, and for God's help because i can see so many things going wrong...
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
hello... it's been a while since i posted and so i just felt like quoting the sermon on the mount because i feel like every single one of those things relates to me in some way and there are things that i lack and want to work towards. one in particular is verse 8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." i chose this one since i not only want to be able to see God more clearly in His beauty and majesty, but also to have a clear view of what God wants me to do according to His will. i guess this also applies to verse 9 "blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" because of the coming housing situation next semester. i say this as a result of the issues that have a high possibility of occurring within my floor because i know a lot of them don't get along on some level. at the moment, i feel kind of screwed since i will mostly have to be the "peacemaker" and... it's good in a way that God has given me some capacity to work out conflicts, but at the same time there is a lot of responsibility on my part also to decrease tension instead of taking sides and elevating the intensity. i'm not saying that everything is up to me to resolve everything, but that i will be there as a part of the floor to try to understand both sides and come to an agreement. at this point in time, i don't feel that i have the capability to help in practically any aspect. although people may tell me certain things about myself, i don't feel or see that within myself... i really don't know what the next year is going to be like with leadership is going to be shifting and i'm gonna connecting and caring for underclassmen. from being the youngest within my family, i have just become a soft baby without being able to take care of myself. i've grown up lazy and uncaring in many aspects except for the things that i choose or is easy. it could possibly be because i have no clear goal of what i want to work towards and so i just feel overwhelmed, but i think it's just because i'm lazy. i mean i've always been lazy but sort of justified it by trying hard and doing well in other aspects other than school because academics is just so uninteresting to me. how can someone just sit down and study for hours -.- does not make sense to me...
anyways, i'll be heading to Guatemala for two weeks in the summer and i'm sort of scared of what sides will show from me as i am exposed to intense weather, bad living conditions, giant bugs everywhere, and close living quarters with people that i've never lived with previously. i apologize beforehand to anyone that i might hurt during that time... i don't know what's going to happen. i see many opportunities for us to grow because half the Guatemala team is from temple rcf which would be an incredible boost for us. we would be able to work together and learn how to be more efficient as a team. so many benefits to gain yet... we could end up hating each other, get too close together that it becomes an unhealthy relationship, cause bitterness within the team, hate missions, and see sides of each other that could crack images. if we don't keep ourselves and each other accountable, we could potentially fall into a pit that i know no one wants to go. i've been praying about it, but then... there are doubts and worries that always come up.
also as the new semester is starting soon... i don't know what it's going to be like. i don't know how i'm gonna handle things. i don't know how many people i might hurt. i guess these are just stupid worries, but they come to mind whenever i think about then. i just hope that i'll be able to guard my own heart and strengthen my relationship with God before anything else while maintaining everything else that's going on.
i guess these are just petty things to worry about when God has got your back so i'll try to entrust it into His mighty hands... try...
this is Richard O and Jesus fulfills my life!
prayer requests... for me to guard my heart, support for missions to Guatemala, a heart to serve, a heart to care and reach out, and for God's help because i can see so many things going wrong...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
In Loving Memory of Phillip Pae
Hey guys! im really sorry i haven't been updating hahaha. i didn't have internet in my room at school since winter break and my laptop is kinda being frustrating so i don't really have my own computer at home. im on my sisters right now! so praise God that i can still get on somehow haha. actually did you know u can surf the web on ps3?! i mean...i always saw the internet app but i didn't know it was like the WHOLE internet hahaha. so i can kinda do that too! but anywayssss...
So this past sunday night, my good friend phil pae passed away unfortunately. He's from my hyung's (older brother/friend) church in south jersey. chpc to be specific. i knew him for a few years because i played drums for their summer retreat. i knew phil was a really great kid from the beginning. and i really mean that. so basically what happend was andrew, phil's older brother, pastor paul, and phil were going home that night. pastor paul usually lets andrew drive sometimes ever since he got his license in january. while andrew was driving, he dozed off for a second and the car started to spin a little and andrew paniced and accelerated more. this caused the car to spin out pretty bad and hit a tree off the side of the road. andrew and paul were almost perfectly ok since they had their seatbelts on in the front of the car but phil's body was thrown out of the back window. He died on impact. I attended the viewing service yesterday night to say my goodbyes to my brother. He was only 17, a junior in high school.
He really really loved the Lord with all his heart. and i can say that with confidence. He loved everyone actually haha. He was just an all around great guy and the reason im telling you all of this is for a few reasons. one, he was just a high schooler. younger than some of us. and it goes to show that this kind of stuff can happen to anybody. haha im not trying to scare you guys but just really think about it. i really thought about how much i've given my life to the Lord so far in my life. of course there's always more time we can give to our God. So i challenge myself and all of you to do that. To give every last bit of energy to the Lord and His kingdom. Not because we might die tomorrow and we want a sure way to get into heaven, but because He deserves it. God deserves for us to live for Him. I never really knew what it was like for someone close to me to die but Jesus our Lord and Savior died. and he didn't just die. he died for US. for each and every one of us. that we can have a relationship with God because of that death. that even though we don't deserve it at all, Jesus' blood covers us so we can approach and get to know our God. and because of the most important death EVER, God deserves everything we have to be given to him. Phil did that and even though he's younger than i am, he really is an inspiration to me. Secondly, i realized just how precious the gift of salvation is. i could probably go on and on about salvation but the one aspect of it that i've come to be thankful for is the power it has to overcome some of the biggest things. Phil was saved (praise the Lord!). because he had salvation, we don't need to be sad for long! He is in paradise right now. resting with our Lord. and salvation is such a powerful gift that when we or our friends have it. we don't even have to fear DEATH! phil may be gone from this world but he surely is alive. that's really amazing to me. that even when someone dies, we don't have to worry. idk how else to say it right now but i hope and pray that you guys can see the gift of salvation as i do right now. hopefully it won't take what it took for me to get to this understanding. Life's too short to take our time and go at an easy pace. we need to get a little uncomfortable for God and RUN after Him.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5
I'm gonna see phil in heaven so therefore i rejoice! you'll all see him too and i know you'll love him as well :)
rest in paradise brother. i'll miss you. we'll catch up later ;)
sorry if it's a little morbid. hahahah. God really works in mysterious ways. but He does work.
This is justin kim, and Jesus fulfills my life.
So this past sunday night, my good friend phil pae passed away unfortunately. He's from my hyung's (older brother/friend) church in south jersey. chpc to be specific. i knew him for a few years because i played drums for their summer retreat. i knew phil was a really great kid from the beginning. and i really mean that. so basically what happend was andrew, phil's older brother, pastor paul, and phil were going home that night. pastor paul usually lets andrew drive sometimes ever since he got his license in january. while andrew was driving, he dozed off for a second and the car started to spin a little and andrew paniced and accelerated more. this caused the car to spin out pretty bad and hit a tree off the side of the road. andrew and paul were almost perfectly ok since they had their seatbelts on in the front of the car but phil's body was thrown out of the back window. He died on impact. I attended the viewing service yesterday night to say my goodbyes to my brother. He was only 17, a junior in high school.
He really really loved the Lord with all his heart. and i can say that with confidence. He loved everyone actually haha. He was just an all around great guy and the reason im telling you all of this is for a few reasons. one, he was just a high schooler. younger than some of us. and it goes to show that this kind of stuff can happen to anybody. haha im not trying to scare you guys but just really think about it. i really thought about how much i've given my life to the Lord so far in my life. of course there's always more time we can give to our God. So i challenge myself and all of you to do that. To give every last bit of energy to the Lord and His kingdom. Not because we might die tomorrow and we want a sure way to get into heaven, but because He deserves it. God deserves for us to live for Him. I never really knew what it was like for someone close to me to die but Jesus our Lord and Savior died. and he didn't just die. he died for US. for each and every one of us. that we can have a relationship with God because of that death. that even though we don't deserve it at all, Jesus' blood covers us so we can approach and get to know our God. and because of the most important death EVER, God deserves everything we have to be given to him. Phil did that and even though he's younger than i am, he really is an inspiration to me. Secondly, i realized just how precious the gift of salvation is. i could probably go on and on about salvation but the one aspect of it that i've come to be thankful for is the power it has to overcome some of the biggest things. Phil was saved (praise the Lord!). because he had salvation, we don't need to be sad for long! He is in paradise right now. resting with our Lord. and salvation is such a powerful gift that when we or our friends have it. we don't even have to fear DEATH! phil may be gone from this world but he surely is alive. that's really amazing to me. that even when someone dies, we don't have to worry. idk how else to say it right now but i hope and pray that you guys can see the gift of salvation as i do right now. hopefully it won't take what it took for me to get to this understanding. Life's too short to take our time and go at an easy pace. we need to get a little uncomfortable for God and RUN after Him.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5
I'm gonna see phil in heaven so therefore i rejoice! you'll all see him too and i know you'll love him as well :)
rest in paradise brother. i'll miss you. we'll catch up later ;)sorry if it's a little morbid. hahahah. God really works in mysterious ways. but He does work.
This is justin kim, and Jesus fulfills my life.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Iron Chef Competition Winners!
Dear JFML Fam,
I am proud to announce that WE HAVE WON THE IRON CHEF COMPETITION !! A shout out to VERISON and PHAMILLY for their awesome yummalicious dishes as well! It was a fun night and thanks to all those who helps out cooking/shopping & providing a place for us :) Here are some pictures from last night :
I am proud to announce that WE HAVE WON THE IRON CHEF COMPETITION !! A shout out to VERISON and PHAMILLY for their awesome yummalicious dishes as well! It was a fun night and thanks to all those who helps out cooking/shopping & providing a place for us :) Here are some pictures from last night :
cooking at Andys! Dave is GLOWING
preparing the adobo sauce & skewers
mmmmmm
Thursday, March 25, 2010
LAZY LAZY LAZY
HELLO EVERYONE!
This week was a rough week. I had so much to do. It is kind of crazy how like I'm so freaking lazy! I really hate the fact that I have been so lazy not wanting to do anything. I took my Organic Chemistry Exam Wednesday and I BOMBED it. Not bombed in a good way but like bombed as in i think i definitely failed it. Like I honestly don't know whats wrong with me. I have been in such a funk lately. Usually Spring Semester is my best semester between fall and spring, yet it seems the way things are going its a bad semester. It's so weird. Any who, it is very stressful to think that i did so horrible in this exam, but then it is my fault for not really studying. Like i have been so lazy in studying, i know that I'm not dumb, yet i still have the habit that i had in high school. In high school, my high school was too easy for me even though I took the higher classes, so i would purposely fail exams to make myself study, and i feel like i still do that. And it kind of pisses me off at the fact that i still have that habit. and it honestly is NOT good in college. But that exam was a wake up call to me, where now these next month or so until classes end, i am going to STUDY my butt off, and yes I WILL BE STUDYING COMPLETELY! I know everyone does not seem me as much now since i am MIA, i apologize, but i need to take myself away from distractions and such. I hope that you guys can pray for me, that I will not be so lazy anymore and that I will focus on studies and such... that would be amazingly awesome.
But in the good light of the week, I saw how much I am lacking God right now. I mean everything happens for a reason right? maybe this is something that's suppose to wake me up and make me realize that since I have been drifting away from him that's why I am in such a weird funk that has never happened before. But honestly God is so amazing, its crazy how I keep falling off the path, but then I really love the fact that GOD is always so forgiving, that he is willing to help anyone get back on the path. Honestly PRAISE THE LORD. he really is good! this whole fact of laziness made me realize how my relationship with God is similar to the way i am at school this semester. That funk i am in, honestly is due to the fact of my laziness and lack of effort and lack of doing anything. AND i still have a problem with not believing in myself. I need to trust myself believe in myself and be able to trust God, to make my paths open for me. this whole idea is scary, how trusting him can be so hard, because i never know how to trust. actually I do not know how to trust. WE NEEED TO TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL OUR HEART MIND AND SOUL!!!!
I ALSO JUST WANTED TO SAYYY GOOD JOB JIMMY & MELISSA <3 you guys did well today. I'm so proud of you guys hehe.
HAVE A FABULOUS WEEEKENDD<33
This is JENNYI & JESUS FULFILLS MY LIFE!
This week was a rough week. I had so much to do. It is kind of crazy how like I'm so freaking lazy! I really hate the fact that I have been so lazy not wanting to do anything. I took my Organic Chemistry Exam Wednesday and I BOMBED it. Not bombed in a good way but like bombed as in i think i definitely failed it. Like I honestly don't know whats wrong with me. I have been in such a funk lately. Usually Spring Semester is my best semester between fall and spring, yet it seems the way things are going its a bad semester. It's so weird. Any who, it is very stressful to think that i did so horrible in this exam, but then it is my fault for not really studying. Like i have been so lazy in studying, i know that I'm not dumb, yet i still have the habit that i had in high school. In high school, my high school was too easy for me even though I took the higher classes, so i would purposely fail exams to make myself study, and i feel like i still do that. And it kind of pisses me off at the fact that i still have that habit. and it honestly is NOT good in college. But that exam was a wake up call to me, where now these next month or so until classes end, i am going to STUDY my butt off, and yes I WILL BE STUDYING COMPLETELY! I know everyone does not seem me as much now since i am MIA, i apologize, but i need to take myself away from distractions and such. I hope that you guys can pray for me, that I will not be so lazy anymore and that I will focus on studies and such... that would be amazingly awesome.
But in the good light of the week, I saw how much I am lacking God right now. I mean everything happens for a reason right? maybe this is something that's suppose to wake me up and make me realize that since I have been drifting away from him that's why I am in such a weird funk that has never happened before. But honestly God is so amazing, its crazy how I keep falling off the path, but then I really love the fact that GOD is always so forgiving, that he is willing to help anyone get back on the path. Honestly PRAISE THE LORD. he really is good! this whole fact of laziness made me realize how my relationship with God is similar to the way i am at school this semester. That funk i am in, honestly is due to the fact of my laziness and lack of effort and lack of doing anything. AND i still have a problem with not believing in myself. I need to trust myself believe in myself and be able to trust God, to make my paths open for me. this whole idea is scary, how trusting him can be so hard, because i never know how to trust. actually I do not know how to trust. WE NEEED TO TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL OUR HEART MIND AND SOUL!!!!
I ALSO JUST WANTED TO SAYYY GOOD JOB JIMMY & MELISSA <3 you guys did well today. I'm so proud of you guys hehe.
HAVE A FABULOUS WEEEKENDD<33
This is JENNYI & JESUS FULFILLS MY LIFE!
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