"blessed are the..."

¹Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ²and he began to teach them saying:
³"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

hello... it's been a while since i posted and so i just felt like quoting the sermon on the mount because i feel like every single one of those things relates to me in some way and there are things that i lack and want to work towards. one in particular is verse 8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." i chose this one since i not only want to be able to see God more clearly in His beauty and majesty, but also to have a clear view of what God wants me to do according to His will. i guess this also applies to verse 9 "blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" because of the coming housing situation next semester. i say this as a result of the issues that have a high possibility of occurring within my floor because i know a lot of them don't get along on some level. at the moment, i feel kind of screwed since i will mostly have to be the "peacemaker" and... it's good in a way that God has given me some capacity to work out conflicts, but at the same time there is a lot of responsibility on my part also to decrease tension instead of taking sides and elevating the intensity. i'm not saying that everything is up to me to resolve everything, but that i will be there as a part of the floor to try to understand both sides and come to an agreement. at this point in time, i don't feel that i have the capability to help in practically any aspect. although people may tell me certain things about myself, i don't feel or see that within myself... i really don't know what the next year is going to be like with leadership is going to be shifting and i'm gonna connecting and caring for underclassmen. from being the youngest within my family, i have just become a soft baby without being able to take care of myself. i've grown up lazy and uncaring in many aspects except for the things that i choose or is easy. it could possibly be because i have no clear goal of what i want to work towards and so i just feel overwhelmed, but i think it's just because i'm lazy. i mean i've always been lazy but sort of justified it by trying hard and doing well in other aspects other than school because academics is just so uninteresting to me. how can someone just sit down and study for hours -.- does not make sense to me...

anyways, i'll be heading to Guatemala for two weeks in the summer and i'm sort of scared of what sides will show from me as i am exposed to intense weather, bad living conditions, giant bugs everywhere, and close living quarters with people that i've never lived with previously. i apologize beforehand to anyone that i might hurt during that time... i don't know what's going to happen. i see many opportunities for us to grow because half the Guatemala team is from temple rcf which would be an incredible boost for us. we would be able to work together and learn how to be more efficient as a team. so many benefits to gain yet... we could end up hating each other, get too close together that it becomes an unhealthy relationship, cause bitterness within the team, hate missions, and see sides of each other that could crack images. if we don't keep ourselves and each other accountable, we could potentially fall into a pit that i know no one wants to go. i've been praying about it, but then... there are doubts and worries that always come up.

also as the new semester is starting soon... i don't know what it's going to be like. i don't know how i'm gonna handle things. i don't know how many people i might hurt. i guess these are just stupid worries, but they come to mind whenever i think about then. i just hope that i'll be able to guard my own heart and strengthen my relationship with God before anything else while maintaining everything else that's going on.

i guess these are just petty things to worry about when God has got your back so i'll try to entrust it into His mighty hands... try...

this is Richard O and Jesus fulfills my life!

prayer requests... for me to guard my heart, support for missions to Guatemala, a heart to serve, a heart to care and reach out, and for God's help because i can see so many things going wrong...